If OCD, then Faith

Right now I am feeling sad probably because of some OCD thoughts.  I am just trying to get through this moment without losing my cool.  

It was difficult this evening when taking care of my children.  I don't know why.  I do have faith that it will bring me closer to Jesus.  When I wanted to love my children, the thought came "don't love your children," and other such nonsense thoughts.  Sometimes what works is: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" including having a wonderful moment with my kids.  Tonight the bad thought moments were very hard for me.  When what I truly want is to have and be a good mommy. But then I get bombarded with ugly thoughts about me and my children. It hurts on so many levels. The good news is that I didn't outwardly react to the thoughts in front of my children (sometimes I cry, and my children see me cry).  So that is progress. 

It is in these moments that I need to remind myself of who and what I am grateful for: Those times that I get to hold J. and read to him. Or the times I get to laugh with B.  Also the times I get to hug my kids and have the feeling of true love.  I am grateful for the times of being held by my husband, especially when I am hurting.  I am grateful when I feel the Holy Spirit giving me love. I am grateful when the Holy Spirit gives me peace.  I am grateful when I am blessed and experience the boundries of the Lord.  I am grateful for the times I am in the pool with my children.  I enjoy the time I had with J in Columbus.  I am grateful for getting to help people at my job.  I am thankful for running with Goldie, the dog.  I am blessed when people pray for me.  I am thankful for seeing the miracles of the Lord; such as seeing someone get healed.  I am grateful when looking into the eyes of my kiddos and experience mutual love.  That is so wonderful.  Thank you, Lord for these moments!  They are in my heart!  It is the truth of who I am.