If OCD, then Faith

Life was hard for me today.  Living life on life's terms can be very difficult. Struggling struggling. I want a mentally easier life.  I hate mental illness.   

The blessings of today was hanging out with my son.  That was precious.  We looked at bees together and that was nice.  It was also fun playing with Brinsley in her room, hearing her laugh.  It is so sweet.  

In my perfect world this is what I would want: The Lord comforts me and stops any bad thought from being processed.  I get to love my children without OCD telling me the opposite of what I want. I want to hang out with Brinsley and have a fun time without ruminating.  I want to have positive thoughts when I am around my daughter and son and husband.  I want to think of positive things to say and do that would make me a more loving mommy.  I could freely love my kids without interruption.  I could love my husband, and help him be a more wonderful man. I could freely love and be loved and doubt nor worry would distract me.  I would have faith and trust.

Now it is the how.  

What I am feeling right now....the Holy Spirit's faith, I needed that.  I need faith.  

Things that I have that I am grateful for: moments of love, being held by my husband, Goldie giving me his paw, the comfort of the Holy Spirit, any positive coping skills. Jeremiah sitting on my lap while I read a story.  I love those moments.  Thank you Lord.