If OCD, then Faith

Although I did cry this afternoon, I overall had a good evening. I cried because I was tired of OCD.  I remember the days when I would do something nice for someone and then I would feel good because of it.  Now if I do something nice for someone, I might have a disruptive thought at the same time, stealing that joy.  I miss those days. 

Even such, this afternoon with my kids was wonderful.  I set up the like hammock swing under the table and both kids played in it. Then we painted and I read a book to J. The whole family did reflex integration exercises.  I love when we are all together.  My husband and I chased J. around the room, and he loved it.  He gave us both kisses today.

I did have disruptive thoughts, but mostly I had good moments too where the disruptive thoughts weren't as disruptive.  I believe it is because of my wonderful Heavenly Father. At work, the OCD was more controlled and I do believe this to be because of Jesus and his word. It almost seems that the only consistency I have had is the mercy, love, forgiveness, and kindness of the Lord.  Medicines and such have only done so much for me.  However, I am hoping that this medicine that I will be taking will make me well.  Anyway, thank you Lord for another good day overall.!:)

Today has been mostly good, thank the Lord.  There were about two to three moments in which OCD was present, so it definately has been worse.  

I am with my daughter alone right in front of me, and I am not scared, blessedly.  We are just hanging out together, mom and daughter.  I love her so much.  

B. went swimming today and she is doing so well.  J, went swimming too, but he hit me and bit me.  He then laughs afterward.  I don't know what to do, punishment doesn't seem to help.   

I went to my psychiatrist today, and he wants to put me on new medication instead of Risperadol.  It is called Rexulti.  I sure hope it works.  Wouldn't it be wonderful to think positive and not have to deal with OCD day in and day out.  It would be such a blessing.  

Hopefully, this is the last month I have OCD........Hoping.....

Thank you Lord for today, for delivering me and protecting me.  I know you love me. It is hard to think that you care so much for me, but deep down I know you do.  I know you love me so much.

I am happy for myself.  I could of doubted and worried and the Lord helped me be strong, and I knew exactly what I wanted for myself and my kids without doubt. What I know for sure is that I want to take care of my children and love them their whole life.

It is truth.  So my husband has left and I had to put on my big girl underroos. Both kids are safe in bed, and I am watching tv on the couch.  I experience a myriad of emotions today.  But, right now I feel love from my Heavenly Father.  Thank you Lord.

Love you Lord!!!!

A

So today was a better day togay then yesterday, meaning the OCD thoughts were not as difficult.  I am so thankful for that.  One really awesome thing that happenned today is I felt love of my patients. I needed it because yesterday I had to fight to even think about love.  Then this afternoon I felt wonderful love of my kiddos.  I love that! It makes my heart happy.  I am so very thankful for this! 

I am a little worried about next Monday night and Tuesday.  I will be alone with my children and that scares me because I am rarely alone with them.  I will definately need God's grace, courage, strength and wisdom.  If there are people who like to pray, I sure could use them! But, I shouldn't bring on next week's load on today.  I would love some encouraging words, here are some:

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

The LORD will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring.

Finally, let the Lord make you strong. Depend on his mighty power.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me

Love you Lord, and thank you for today! 

Right now I am feeling sad probably because of some OCD thoughts.  I am just trying to get through this moment without losing my cool.  

It was difficult this evening when taking care of my children.  I don't know why.  I do have faith that it will bring me closer to Jesus.  When I wanted to love my children, the thought came "don't love your children," and other such nonsense thoughts.  Sometimes what works is: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" including having a wonderful moment with my kids.  Tonight the bad thought moments were very hard for me.  When what I truly want is to have and be a good mommy. But then I get bombarded with ugly thoughts about me and my children. It hurts on so many levels. The good news is that I didn't outwardly react to the thoughts in front of my children (sometimes I cry, and my children see me cry).  So that is progress. 

It is in these moments that I need to remind myself of who and what I am grateful for: Those times that I get to hold J. and read to him. Or the times I get to laugh with B.  Also the times I get to hug my kids and have the feeling of true love.  I am grateful for the times of being held by my husband, especially when I am hurting.  I am grateful when I feel the Holy Spirit giving me love. I am grateful when the Holy Spirit gives me peace.  I am grateful when I am blessed and experience the boundries of the Lord.  I am grateful for the times I am in the pool with my children.  I enjoy the time I had with J in Columbus.  I am grateful for getting to help people at my job.  I am thankful for running with Goldie, the dog.  I am blessed when people pray for me.  I am thankful for seeing the miracles of the Lord; such as seeing someone get healed.  I am grateful when looking into the eyes of my kiddos and experience mutual love.  That is so wonderful.  Thank you, Lord for these moments!  They are in my heart!  It is the truth of who I am. 

Yay! Today was so good.  My OCD was minimal today!  I can't believe it, I am so happy!  So blessed! At work, it was ok.  But when I got to the house, it was all good! Probably the best day I have had in two years, in regards to my OCD.  This is definately from the Lord, because I haven't changed much in coping skills.  So wonderful! 

I did learn two new Bible verses: 1) When my anxiety is great, your consolation brought me joy.  And anxiety in the heart of man cause depression, but a good word makes it glad.  

Love you Jesus, Lord, and Holy Spirit!!!

Andrea

I did well at work today with dealing with my OCD because of my wonderful Heavenly Father.  He gave me love and grace today when I thought I was about to have a disruptive thought.  Blessedly, I didn't have one and had love.  I so appreciated that! It was wonderful and lovely. My Lord is so wonderful!

However, things were harder at the house.  I had fear that someone was behind me when there was no one there.  I had more harm thoughts about my children, which of course was awful.  I did have some wonderful moments with my children.  Such as when I was playing peek a boo with J.  Or when I read stories about mother-daughter love to B.  It was also wonderful doing reflex archtype movements with J, B, and husband.  I did enjoy that!  I am so blessed even in the midst of a storm!

I have been taking my thoughts captive to Jesus or at least trying today.  I had less triggers today, so my harm OCD wasn't as bad, although I wasn't exposing myself either.

I read Joyce Meyer's "Battlefied of the Mind," and I liked it.  I certainly have done some of the widerness attitudes, like feeling sorry for myself, and doubting and worrying.  I hope I can come out of this disease and be cured.I know the Lord is using it to refine me and my faith.

I talked to my counselor today and he wants me to say words outloud that are negative to prove that what you say doesn't come true.  So far I am open to the words poke and slap and pinch.  However, I do not want to say darker words at this time.  I am still hung up on words have power.  I would like the Holy Spirit to let me know what is the truth. It would be a lot easier to do the right thing.

I got worried and felt I couldn't be a mom to my son when he's 5.  However, I know God will give me the strength for each day that I am blessed here on this Earth.  So it's stupid to worry.  

My wonderful Lord gave me love today, peace, and gentleness.  I don't have to be afraid.

Overall it was a good day!

Errgh the If then statements....annoying.

If you believe this, the opposite will happen.  Apparently, that is thought action fusion.  I don't know what it is, but I don't like it.  

Today, I had doubting thoughts of who I am.  I am a righteous child of God, I know this, but I still had doubting thoughts.  What worked was "Let it go.  You can trust God." Just let it go.

I also had moments of peace today, from the Holy Spirit.  I treasure those moments.  Last night, the Lord gave me love of my children, which is what I truly want.  It was wonderful. All and all it was a good day.  Thank you Jesus!

Ani 

OCD and anxiety filled my head today while I was going grocery shopping.  I don't know exactly the thoughts I was having, but I do know I felt anxious.  All I could do was go with the storm and let it pass.  

Many of my thoughts are if this then this thoughts.  For example, if you write your bad thoughts down then they will come true; which makes having a blog difficult. My therapist would say this is good exposure for me.  

I am grateful for Jesus during my storms.  I have had peace when I am in the midst of an OCD moment.  I have had the comfort of Jesus and God saying it is not in God's will when I have a harm your _____ thought.  

I have had the thought worry about this, and I try to say to myself have faith in God, trust God.  It doesn't always work, but I believe it is building my faith in Jesus.

My favorite bible verse that I go back to when I have a harm thought is : God will preserve you from all evil, he will preserve your soul.  This bible verse gives me such comfort, I am thankful for the word of God. He is a good God!